A Normal Day in the Ninja World
by Nekotachi
Summary: The Naruto gang recieves strange messages. What will happen when they all meet at the Tenchi Bridge? Akatsuki, Orochimaru's gang, and Konoha...somehow all smooshed together in one story! Yeah, "smooshed" is a word. Check the Tobitionary TO-bi-shun-air-ee
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Oscar-Meijer, or 7-Eleven

*Chapter 1: In the Morning*

The morning was perfectly normal, well if you can say "normal", in the Akatsuki base. Things were going as they usually did: Itachi making a delicious, wholesome breakfast; kisame having a chat with his girlfirend, and soon to be fiance, Veronica; Deidara was setting prices for his art, while Kakuzu observed, making sure to have Deidei set the prices to borderline expensive; Sasori was painting Hidan's nails, as he was the Akatsuki's lead mani-pedicurist; Tobi was saying how much of a good boy he was to Leader-sama, asking him for different assortments of rubber ducks; and Konan was secretly taking some of Pein's peircings while he was engaged in other matters. There was peace only one place in the Akatsuki headquarters, the Super-Evil Garden of DOOM, that belonged to Zetsu, the weird plant-taco.

Konohagakure was busrting with excitement. Orochimaru had been spotted in the ninja day-care school. The teachers there were frantic. They knew what the infamous Oro could do to young minds. This had happened too many times before, but this time was different. This time, they were prepared. One of the head jonin released Rikki Tikki Tavi, the dreaded mongoose. Mongoose hate snakes, you see, and as a snake, Orochimaru had no choice but to conform to the mighty power of the demented squirrel-like creature with the fangs and shot-gun and slithered back to whatever little boy he crawled off of.

Naruto was sixteen. He knew he HAD to have some sort of female interaction in his life, so he went to the ramen shop to look at the sexy clerk with the big rack…. Of ramen bowls.

"Hey, Ayame. Wanna go with me to the ramen shop sometime?"

"Ummmmm….. I get off work at ermmm… the ramen shop… at-"

At that moment, Orochimaru burst into the ramen shop with what looked to be a package of Oscar Meijer Weiners.

"BLEH BLU BEEEEH BEY BLAAAAT!" Oro screamed at the top of his lungs grabbing Naruto by the throat and pulling him towards the door. He ran out with a surprised Nauto close to his left butt cheek.

"…" Ayame said.

"It's nice to see that boy with a friend. He deserves it." Her father exclaimed happily.

Sasuke and Karin were sitting at the hideout in Karin's room, watching all four Twilight movies back-to-back.

"I got them before they came out to theaters," Karin said seductively, thinking this fact was somehow sexy.

Sasuke sighed. He wasn'The going to sugar-coat this, as there was no possible way to. The raw fact is: he hated her. She was gross. Her hair was always messy, and it stank. He wished he had never saved her from that pedophile dressed like a bear in the forest that one day. That guy always gave him free chimichangas. At that moment, Orochimaru walked in the room holding a sack that was dripping blood and leaving a trail of it on the carpet.

"It'sssss a dead cat I ran over with my car," he explained.

Karin and Sasuke both nodded nonchalantly, knowing but not really caring that it wasn't.

"Oh, and Karin. Here'ssssss a treat," he held out the package of hot dogs he bought at 7-eleven. Karin immediantly snatched the package from Orochimaru, ravaging the packaging and wolfing down the hot dogs. She looked back at Sasuke sometimes and growled, protecting her "treat" given by Orochimaru.

-End Chapter One-


	2. Chapter 2

*Chapter 2: Afternoon with Akatsuki*

"Tobi a good boy. Tobi find Hidan," a swirly-masked man said to himself while walking on the path outside the Akatsuki base.

_BARK!_ A small dog whimpered when Tobi walked by. The dog was small enough to sit on someones head. Tobi nticed the dog's whimpering and immediately jumped to the side and shushed it with his gloved hand. 'Hidan got a haircut,' he mused to himself.

"Shush, Hidan! Someone might walk by. We would not want our hideout to be found. What would Leader-sama say?" Tobi screeched at the dog that he thought was Hidan.

Whimper…

"Yes, Hidan. I love your hair, but we really need to be quiet; and where is your cloak?"

-Pein's Office-

"Konan! I can'The find my formal peircing. Where is it? I need to go get another peircing!" Pein screamed at the blue-haired Akatsuki member.

"Honey, I don'The think you should get another peircing," Konan said timidly.

"But it will have a picture of you, my darling Konan."

"Ummm… Don'The you think that's kind of creepy…?"

"No way. Peircings can never be creepy, no matter what you do to them."

Konan and Pein were in Pein's office arguing about Pein's obsession with peircings. They had gone over this many times before, but Pein had always won. Somehow, Konan felt this time would be different. She would stop him from going.

Also in Pein's office, was a sobbing Kakuzu. He also hated when Pein got more peircings. Peircings, you see, cost a lot of money. The ones Pein liked could be up to $100. He decided to get a needle and thread and knit some ryo. Aside from being a murderer, assasin, thief, and litterer, Kakuzu also made counterfeit ryo. It helped in hard times.

-The Diabolical living Room-

"No, I think he is on a mission." Said the shark-man to his girlfriend, Veronica the fish.

_Blub blub._

"As I said before, that is impossible. Hidan is on a mission. Tobi couldn't have seen him."

_Blub blub._

"I don't know who he saw then, angel."

_Blub._

"Okay, goodbye, sweetheart." Kisame walked out the door, forgetting to feed Veronica.

-Grocery Store-

A puppet-man stared at his grocery list written by Tobi. He sighed, having just peered at the list's contents for the first time.

List:

Snacks for Tobi

Veronica Food

"Wow," Sasori exhaled. Tobi's handwriting was scribbled, and he could barely read it. Plus, the list only had two things on it. Pein had let Tobi review the food stock, and Sasori was required to buy whatever the contents were regardless of how stupid they may be. He didn't really know what Veronica ate, so he just picked up a cabbage and tossed it into the cart. As the emotionless Akatsuki member was a puppet, he didn't need to eat. The Akatsuki member had no idea what a "snack" was. Sasori questioned this a few times and came to a conclusion. He then slipped some scallops and a rutabega into his cart.

-Tsuchikage's Office-

Deidara was dressed up as a girl in the Tsuchikage's office. The Akatsuki needed a classified scroll, and they knew Tsuchikage was a sucker for pretty women. Also, they knew Dei-chan had no problem dragging. Meanwhile, Zetsu was hiding in the corner disguised at a very big cactus…. that wears a black cloak.

"So… Tsuchikage-san, would you like to buy some clay statues?" Dei smiled seductively.

"Ummmnnn…" was all Tsuchikage could say while looking at the gorgeous Deidara.

Zetsu's black side quickly snatched the scroll from Tsuchikage's desk greedily while white side texted Deidara to say he was done.

"**Evil Akatsuki Kitchen of Evil **& food"

Itachi peered at the list of ingredients for his cake. This was going to be a piece of errr… cake. The rest of Akatsuki had something to worry about today, but Itachi was completely free. All he needed for his beautiful cake was: flour, eggs, shortening, sugar, and just a pinch of genjutsu.

"What are you doing Uncle Itachi!" an annoying voice inquired. Owner of said voice was carrying a terrified dog around.

"I'm making a cake, Tobi," Itachi sighed.

"Why?"

"BECAUSE I AM UCHIHA ITACHI AND I CAN!"

"**Well, I am Uchi- Tobi and I WANT STRAWBERRY FROSTING." ** Tobi said in a deep, unlike his own, almost terrifying voice and ran out the room flopping his arms around screeching, "Tobi is a good boy!"

-End Chapter Two-


	3. Chapter 3

*Chapter Three: Afternoon with Konoha*

"Kakashi… What size bra do you think Tsunade wears?" Jiraya asked.

"Hnnnn…?" Kakashi muttered, not paying attention.

"Kakashi, look up from that book and pay attention to me!"

"Wha-"

Kakashi was cut off because at that moment, a duck dressed like Pakkun flew down from the sky, "Here, boss. Here's an umm… message. It's from errr… Kakashi! " It flew off withut giving Kakashi the scroll from Kakashi. Instead, it dropped the scroll a few yards away, ignoring Kakashi's questioning glance.

"Kakashi, I think you got a message from you." Jiraya said nonchalantly.

"That was a duck," Kakashi thought out loud.

"What does the message say?"

Kakashi opened the scroll. "I have no idea. It's written in some scribbly handwriting in purple crayon and signed in all caps with something that looks like it might say 'TQDI'."

"Let me see." The gray-haired nin handed him the rolled-up piece of paper passed off as a scroll.

"It says, 'Can Tobi has a pony? If you have pony to give to Tobi, meet Tobi at the Tenchi bridge.'"

"Hmmmmm…"

"So, what size?"

"56 Z," Kakashi said not really caring. He was too engulfed in finding the secret meaning in the, Kakashi decided, encrypted message.

After a while, Jiraya continued rambling about meaningless things while Kakashi gave answer that wouldn't even make sense in the most random baby's dream. He had better things to do. The masked ninja swiftly jumped on the rooftops. Jiraya did not seem at all to notice. He just kept on talking about meaningless and perverted matters.

-The Jashin Tavern-

The restaurant was a dreary place, as it was meant to be. The walls were painted black, and the only light was a fire in the middle of the room. The fire, for your information, was a place to roast live children as a sacrifice to the great Lord Jashin-sama. The fee for one unreserved table was your first born son. If the message still had not gotten across yet, if you do this a second time, we will take your dog, cat, other children, or even your wife. Noted by Konoha scared critiques as one of the best places in town!

Sakura walked to the table she had reserved (thank god!) with a person she had met on . She was so excited to meet this wonderful guy. If his description matched him, he had to be one of the most beautiful people in the world. He was smart, funny, and (hopefully) handsome.

"Hey!" a shrill voice came from the table she was supposed to be sitting at with her dream guy.

"Who are you?" Sakura asked.

"I am meeting my date here, so… Scat. Don'The even think of moching off of me just because you don'The have a reservation."

"I do. With the date I met on eHarmony."

The person's eyes widened, "Oh my Jashin! Those mother- *$%*%!"

"Are you…. My… date…?" Sakura twitched.

"I hate those **** eHarmony people! Well, anyway, I'm Karin, and, as of right now, I have an anti-eHarmony group; would you like to join?" Karin said.

"Sure! I was kinda hoping this would happen…" Karin gave Sakura a questioning look.

"Errr… Well, there's this missing nin I have a huge crush on… His name is Sasuke." She blushed

"No way! Me too. I actually work with him. Let's turn our anti-eHarmony group into a Sasuke fanclub!"

"OMG! Totally!"

-Ten Minutes Later-

"Okay. We have Sasuke The-shirts, plushies, buttons, jewelry, party plates and napkins, Sasuke cups, AND Sasuke paper mache masks!" Karin squealed. Sakura joined in the spuealing, and they squealed like that for another twenty minutes.

"OMG. OMG. OMG. This is great." Sakura screeched. She sounded like a dying… Sakura.

They went and sold every bit of their Sasuke merchandise. They came back to base with over $1,000,000 dollars and 5,000,000 members. Every one of the 5,000,000 members were screeching their hearts out and having panic attacks when going by the Sasuke posters and cardboard cutouts. It was a true, absolute nightmare.

-Ichiraku Ramen Shop-

"I wonder where Naruto is." Ayame thought aloud.

"He probably had a sleepover at his friend's house. Kids these days stay up all night and go to sleep at 8:00. Again, it is quite nice to see that child with friends who love him," Teuchi responded.

"I guess, but I miss little Naruto."

Ichiraku was silent except from the occasional slurp of noodles and the meow of a cat outside. It sure did seem lonely without the Jinchuriki to liven thing up with his, loud, eager voice. The place could have gotten even drearier, but then a hoard of girls came in squealing and yelling.

"Hello," a pink-haired kunoichi said brightly.

"We were wondering if you would let us sell our merchandise in your shop!" another chimed.

"So, can we? We'll pay!" the first inquired.

"Um, yeah. Sure." Teuchi answered and sweatdropped.

*A/N*

Thank you so much, psychoticmemory for your review! Like any other author, reviews keep me going.

I'm so happy you got the Veronica referance. I know the first chapter was terrible, it was our first story. It was just supposed to be an introduction, and it is hard to write with two authors. Thank you again. I hope this chapter is better!


	4. Chapter 4

*Chapter Four: Afternoon With Orochimaru*

The day was like any other. Karin had some snacks. Sasuke was plotting revenge, and weird sounds were coming from Oro's closet. Ahhh, the Sound Village.

"Has anyone sssseen my dead dog? It appearssss he hasss gotten up and… walked away," Oro inquired of his two henchmen.

"No, but I know where it might be," said Sasuke.

"Where?" Orochimaru responded.

"Up your butt," Sasuke said with no emotion.

Orochimaru took this seriously, "I will go cheeeck." He went into the bathroom with another henchman to help him.

"He he." Karin snickered.

"Karin, how did your date go and why are there a bunch of screaming chicks in our house looking at me?" Sasuke was hoping she would find a date and stop drooling all over him.

"Oh. My date turned out to be a girl and we started a you-fan club."

"Oh. Cool. I'm going for tea." With that, Sasuke left abruptly. You could see a hint of disappointment and fear in his eyes.

-Ten minutes later & outside-

Sasuke was sipping tea by a tree with Karin and about a thousand other people drooling behind his ears. 'Can you get in trouble for murder in the ninja world?' he asked himself silently. The day was nice and young. Just the type his master liked. Just then, a duck dressed like Karin flew down.

"Hey y'aaaaaall. I wud just gonna give yew this scrawll frum ….Um… Kakashi!" it said in a voice resembling Karin's. It was a good impression.

The duck dropped the message on Sasuke's lap and flew off in the direction it came from. He had half a mind to not open the scroll because it was from his old sensei.

"I do not say 'y'all'" Karin, noticing this to be the only thing wrong with the duck's impression, interrupted his thoughts while Sasuke was opening the scroll.

"It says, 'Do you have pony? Tobi trying to collect all ponys. Tobi asked other man too. Meet Tobi at Tenchi Brige and give him pony.'" This was NOT Kakashi's handwriting. He only had to use a little of his sharingan power on the real Kakashi's. "Karin, pack your bags and your ugliness. We're going to the Tenchi Bridge… with a pony."

*Ten minutes after Karin finished packing her ugliness*

"Suigetsu! Long time, no see." Karin squealed.

"Ew. Sasuke, what is this thing?" Suigetsu poked Karin.

"Baka! Suigetsu, I'm pretty!"

"Quiet down, you guys. We have to go get Jugo before Orochimaru finishes looking in his butt." Sasuke said. Suigetsu gave him a questioning look.

"Riight." Said Suigetsu, who was obviously creeped out, "I want a snack."

"Karin, go get Suigetsu a snack."

*Meanwhile*

"He was not there, sir." Reported one of Oro's henchmen.

"Grr. **Find him!**"

"Yes, sir."

It was a ruckas in Orochimaru-sama's lair. Apparently, Oro's "dead dog" meant a lot to him. The rest of the henchmen knew, of course, that they were not looking for a gold-haired dead dog in an orange bag. They knew that it was a blonde-haired boy in orange garb. This had happened before. Many times. Sometimes, the boy would get away, or sometimes he would get killed in thec confusion. They sometimes commited suicide or went missing. Half the time, though, they were found and given to Orochimaru for his experiments. Why he only appeared to need little boys, no one knew.

"We found him, sir." said a young soldier.

"Where isss he?" Oro asked.

"We don't know, sir."

"Then why did you tell me you found him!"

"He got off grounds before we could catch him."

"Ugh… Where'sss Ssssasuke…?"

"Up your butt."

*Jugo's cell-thing-place-whatever*

"Jugo, we're going to the Tenchi Bridge. You're coming with." Sasuke said upon entering

"I'm afraid I'll kill someone." Jugo complained.

"Deal with it."

"Fine, but I'm hungry."

"Karin!"

*Wherever the heck Naruto is*

_Pant pant. Pant pant. _Naruto was exhausted. He was in the Ichiraku Ramen Shop, hen all this crazy junk started happening. First, he was grabbed by Orochimaru and put in a burlap sack. A SACK. Then, he was hauled to 7-eleven. He could hear talk of exchanging packages of wieners. Next, he was stuffed in a closet that smelled funny. When he finally got out, he was chased by crazy guards wearing snake suits. What a day… He had not seen Akamaru in a while, either. Strange. He liked that little dog who sat on Kiba's head all the time.

Just then, Pakkun walked (teleported, ran, whatever), "This is from your sensei. Gotta go!" He dropped the letter on Naruto's head. Naruto opened the letter. It said, "We are going to the Tenchi Bridge. Meet up at Ichiraku. Btw, where the h*** are you!" Naruto did not know the answer to that question.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Zip-lock, or anything else!

Chapter Five: Akatsuki Party Night

"Where are we going?" a hideous silhouette inquired in the dark.

"Taking a detour," explained Sasuke nonchalantly.

"To where?" asked Karin, getting frustrated.

Sasuke backhanded Karin. She didn't seem to care. Team Taka was heading around aimlessly in the dark. Well, maybe not aimlessly, as they had Sasuke with them. He could see even Kakashi's handwriting with his Sharingan! To Karin, it felt like they had been walking around for hours.

"Karin…" said Suigetsu, "Is that your furry but rubbing up against me?"

"N-" Karin started to speak, but fortunately, Sasuke interjected, "Don't call her Kuhleen (pronunciation). She doesn't deserve such a pretty name. Her name is Kuhrin, like how it's spelled."

"Karin"

"Karin"

*Akatsuki base*

"Konan, let's have a party just to spend money and tick Kakuzu off." Pein smartly suggested.

"Okay. " said Konan.

"But we can't have Itachi emo-ing up the place, so let's shove him in the closet with Hidan doing his emo stuff."

"Sounds fine with me."

*Ten minutes later*

All the Akatsuki, except Itachi and Hidan of course, gathered in the room Itachi very surprisingly unreluctantly shared with the shark-man. Kakuzu had grabbed both Itachi and Hidan by their collars violently threw them both in the already very cramped closet. He then returned not fifteen seconds later to steal their clothes, except undies, and relock the door.

"Why are we in the Mega Super-Evil Broom Closet of Doom?... Naked…?" asked a confused Itachi.

"I don't know, but feel that thing in your butt? That's my head."

*Wherever Naruto Is*

"Oh gosh. I've been walking for hours," a blonde-haired Leaf ninja said to himself," I wash Pakkun wouldn't have flown, or walked… errr however he transports himself, so abruptly." Just then, Naruto came across a sinister looking building. He didn't have time to notice it was sinister because, before he knew it, he was already at the door, ringing the bell thirty times a second, ready to beg his little heart out for food. Just when he slowed down his ringing pace to ten times a second, a blue man opened the door.

"You- You're blue." Naruto muttered.

The man slammed the door in his face.

"_OW!"_ Naruto screeched, then resumed ringing the bell for another half hour. Hi_s _hand started to hurt. A lot. After being very, very discouraged, the Leaf nin started to form a Rasengan to make it go through the freak-show blue guy's house. He messed up. Badly. Instead of a nice, spherical Rasengan, Naruto had formed a flat Rasen… plate. How wonderful. Naruto left the lame plate at the door of the turquoise thing's house. He decided he would just keep travelling from then on.

A few hours later, Naruto decided he was going to starve if he didn't get food soon. He was curled up on a bed he made out of twigs and leaves, thinking about the strange, blue man. Naruto decided to call the man Fishy. The blonde-haired ninja was really hankering for some ramen, so he scavenged the woods for fresh-baked noodles. No luck. He then saw some long, think worms and decided those would work fine. Naruto threw the worms in a Zip-lockbag and went off looking for some delectable broth cubes.

*Akatsuki base*

Kisame checked to see if that weird little boy was still outside. He opened the door but saw nothing. Except a blue-coloured, swirly-patterned plate.

"Ahhh. The new china's here," Kisame mused aloud. He then rushed inside to wash it, and bring Sasori one of the "snacks" he bought.

Meanwhile, the part in Itachi's room was booming. Pein was making beautiful art of the Akatsuki's next target naked on Itachi's side of the room's wall.

"How do you like it?" inquired the Akatsuki's leader.

Kisame put on his reading glasses for a closer look. His face flushed. "You know him?"

"What?"

"It's that retarded boy who came to the door earlier!"

"Naruto? Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! " Pein inquired, laughing hysterically.

"That's his name, huh?" Kisame asked, as he walked away.

A few seconds later, Sasori saw his blue comrade walking up to him with a plate. Kisame came up, and presented the puppet with a plate of steaming food.

"What is that?" asked a disgusted Sasori.

"**Snacks and Veronica food," stated the shark, thrusting out a swirly-blue plate filled with, cabbage, steamed scallops, and a sliced rutabaga. "Veronica food…. Oh no! Veroooonica! I'm comin' baby!" screamed Kisame, realizing that Veronica hadn't been fed in days. He threw the plate at Sasori, whom caught and balanced it perfectly. **

"Pein… What should we do about money? I propose we eat the corpse of Virginia."

"Veronica."

"Whatev-"

"**NOOOOOO!**" before Kakuzu could finish the thought, Kisame burst in with a fishbowl containing the corpse of Virginia—errr…Veronica. "You cannot eat her. She deserves a proper burial like any of us would get."

Just then, Kakuzu plucked Veronica out of the fishbowl and gulped her down. Kisame just stood there open-mouthed, crying at the top of his lungs.

"I don't have to eat for a week." Kakuzu said as Kisame ran out of the room.

The doorbell rang, and Konan went to answer it. She opened the door and found four teenagers. "Ohhh. Aren't you adorable…." She mused aloud.

"Thank you. I know. We're looking for Itachi Uchiha." Sasuke stated.

"Oh. Well, I don't know where he is, but would you like to have some tea?" Konan asked.

"I would love some!" Karin shouted.

"Shut up, dog!" Sasuke scolded. "What do you guys think?" Jugo and Suigetsu shook their heads yes, and they followed the woman inside. She lead Team Taka into a room with some very attractive people. On the way, they saw a blue man crying while huddled with an empty fish bowl. 'Now I've seen everything,' thought Sasuke.

"You darlings just wait here," the woman said specifically looking at Sasuke, earning a jealous look from Karin.

A few minutes later, the female Akatsuki nin came back with a tray holding five cups of tea. She passed out the tea to Suigetsu, Jugo, Sasuke, and herself. She sat down next to a window and threw the remaining cup of tea out of it.

"So, why do you dolls come to the Akatsuki base?" Konan inquired softly.

'So they were in the right place. Why was this woman being so kind?' Sasuke thought. "We are looking for Uchiha Itachi, as I said before."

"Ah yes. I remember. Ask Pein over there. He'll know where Itachi-chan is." Konan pointed a finger to the Akatsuki leader, talking to some stitched-up weirdo at the other side of the room.

Sasuke nodded his head and transported himself, via feet, to the location of yet another weird weirdo. "I'm looking for Itachi." Pein just nodded and motioned to the other weirdo sitting across from him, whom was… knitting cloaks.

The man got up out of the security of his rocking chair and temporarily discontinued his knitting session. He walked the team out of the room and across the hall. He pointed in the direction of a locked closet and handed Sasuke a key. After that episode, he returned to the room to complain and whine about stuff.

Sasuke unlocked the door. When he opened it, two naked men tumbled out.

"AAAAAAAAH!"

"…"

"Ew….."

"Sasuke, you never told me your brother was gay."

"It's not like that! He—He stole our clothes!" a silver-haired man yelled then walked away.

"I-I 'm not gay… W-w-we got our clothes stolen."

"Are you sure you're not gay? You are wearing see-through women's panties." said Sasuke.

"They're also pink." added Jugo.

"SHUT UP! They are not! They are Summer Blossom." Itachi defended as he activated his Sharingan. Karin snickered. Itachi Amaterasu-ed Karin. Karin ran.

"Thank you…." Said Sasuke, "That makes up for killing our clan."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"COOL!"

"You can replace Karin. Come on."

"PEEEEIN! I'm going with my brother to do stuff!"

*A/N*

So sorry for not updating in so long. *Sigh* I lost my idea notebook and found it in a really weird place. Thank you to H1d4n, mangamaniac, and an anonymous person for the reviews! ^-^


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Hm.

*Naruto*

Naruto nibbled slightly on a rasenchicken, his stomach growling fiercely. He knew that this was not healthy, for him to be eating his own energy, but he didn't give a crap. All he cared about was getting something in his mouth. He was alone in the woods still. Naruto pondered about why Fishy was so angry… This confused him.

Back to the Rasenchicken: Naruto had no luck finding broth cubes in the woods. He was very surprised. Since there were now square-by-squares of ramen broth in the woods, he decided to put his ninja-y expertise to use and make some food. He decided ramen would cost him way too much energy, so he went with his second favorite food: Kentucky Fried Chicken. He was eating it off another Rasenplate he had made.

Naruto was on his way to Ichiraku, which was a problem. He still did not know where he was. This sucked. A lot.

*The Akatsuki Place*

A lone Deidara took a stroll outside. The party was over. Itachi had left with that stupid Sasuke. Sasuke was stupid. Dei had nothing to do, when suddenly, a duck looking like a sickly version of his bird things flew down, and it crashed to the ground. It was dead.

"I didn't do it!" Deidara shouted. He didn't do it, in case you hadn't noticed. Unfortunately enough, no one was there to hear him say that.

Just then, he noticed the late duck was carrying a note. He picked up the note, and he quickly and hastily began reading it, as he did all mysterious notes from duck imposter-messengers. The note said, 'Tobi wants a poneeee. GIVES HIM A PONY AT TENCHI BRIDGE OR ZUFFERS RATH OF UCHIHA—Tobi. =]"

"OH dear God," Dei said to no one in particular. Dei noticed not a while, maybe thirty minutes, ago that Tobi was nowhere to be found. Not that he looked… He hadn't cared at that time, but he was Tobi's babysitter because Tobi was "important" or some crap. Dei would be in deep crap if he didn't have this all fixed up._ Ugh, _he thought to himself. _This will be a long night. _He decided to go grab Sasori, and head for the trail that didn't actually exist.

*Sasori's room, Akatsuki base.*

Sasori was tucked away in his room, playing with his dollies. Today was a very important day. Today, Barbie and Ken were getting married. They had already gotten married once before, but divorced because of irreconcilable differences. Now, little Susie had a happy home!

To Sasori's not-surprise, his partner Deidara burst into the room with a frantic look on his face. There was something gone badly wrong.

His partner was panting heavily, but he finally got his words out, "Hey—Tobi! Tenchi—_Pant pant—_Bridge!"

"What!" Sasori actually flinched at the thought of Tobi out on his own in the world. This was going to turn out to be disaster. He knew they should have leashed him. That would solve so many problems, it wasn't even funny. Tobi could leak so many Akatsuki top-secret secrets and missions and junk. This could not be ignored.

Deidara continued, "He wants a pony. He wants us to meet him at Tenchi Bridge. I have a feeling he's I'm not the only one. I feel like he's asked others!"

Sasori's jaw dropped. He was co-responsible for Tobi. He thought Dei had been watching him, but he could see that he was wrong. He fought the urge to blow up. Pein would kill him so many times for losing his Tobi, who was, for some reason, important. So instead of blowing up, he decided what was better was throwing up. He did just that. Sasori leaned out the window and threw up the reminiscence of "Veronica Food" and "snacks," which for some reason he ate.

"What do we do?" Sasori inquired of an obviously clueless and equally stumped Deidara.

In response, the other nin just shrugged, sat down, and curled up in his fetal position-like 'Therapy Ball.' He silently sobbed a bit, until Sasori interrupted.

"Let's go get him. Don't tell ANYONE, okay? Deidara… go pack your sexiness," Sasori ordered of Dei, who departed for his side of the room immediately. A flustered Sasori began stuffing a multitude of puppets in his YMCA duffel bag.

*Nonexistent Akatsuki Trail OF EVIL*

An ordinarily cheerful Tobi happily skipped down the Trail, eagerly awaiting his ponieful euphoria.

"Do dee do da—Do daa—Do dee do da—Do da!" he muffled from under his mask. The day was delightful. The sun smiled at him through the trees. You can tell it was his birthday because the sun was wearing a party hat. Tobi felt left out, so he stooped down and weaved himself a party hat out of grass. He made sure to look out for some more of those strange mushrooms he had eaten a few miles back. Sadly, he found none. He donned his hat proudly, showing off its elegant exterior. He was feeling lovely. A bunny rabbit in its undies was singing Silent Night with a unicorn in pajamas and a cowboy hat. The achieved perfect harmony and melody.

Tobi had no idea where the Tenchi Bridge was, or if it even existed. He was just following his heart. His heart was a kind, nice young woman in a pink Lolita dress. She also donned a party hat.

A half hour later, the effect was wearing off. He was still just as happy, just without the hallucinations. Was this good or bad? He still wore his adorable, enviable woven hat on top of his spiky black hair. He decided he would get it bronzed when he got to the nearest town. Tobi wandered for a few minutes. Then, he spotted a bunch of buildings off in the distance.

"Ohayo, building-san!" he called to the structures. They did not answer, not unlike Deidara when his gender is inquired of him.

Tobi ran the next two miles or so, not even stopping to get his breath. He reached the town a few, about ten, minutes later. Then, he grabbed his knees and started panting up a storm. When he realized his party hat had fallen apart about a mile back, Tobi collapsed to the ground and wept.

*Sasuke's gang*

Sasuke walked in the woods. He was walking with Jugo, Suigetsu, and Itachi. Karin was not there. It was a good time. Even though Itachi and Sasuke had not seen one another in a while, they were catching up like old friends. Despite being brothers, they were like old friends. It was weird. They were bantering about old, depressing times when they were slightly less depressed. It was depressing, hearing their depressing stories about being depressed.

Sasuke turned around and put his hands on his hips just to say, "I think Karin packed too much ugliness. "

Itachi said, "Yo, Sasuke… what is it exactly that you wanted me for?"

"A pony," Sasuke answered.

Itachi recoiled slightly, "What!"

"You heard me… this man… he wants a pony. We're going to give him one."

"I understand," replied Itachi.

Sasuke was so glad Karin was gone. He needed a break from her. He was with some of the coolest people in the world right now. He was not in the mood for it to be spoiled. She would spoil it. She was stupid like that. And ugly.

"Hey, Itachi! Would you like to become an honorary, genuine member of the all new Team Taka: Sans Karin Version?" Suigetsu proposed.

Itachi, not knowing Suigetsu was kidding, answered his question seriously, "Sure," he said.

Jugo started chuckling and giggling all at once. He explained, ". Sasuke always said that the day he would take Itachi back would be the day Karin would leave him alone. It was like saying 'when pigs fly.' Sasuke never guessed, though, that the two would be dependent events. They had prepared for this, jokingly, and called it Team Taka: Sans Karin."

Sasuke was laughing hysterically, "Ha! Ha! Ha! How 'bout we make that a real thing?"

"Okay, whatever," said Suigetsu.

"Yay," said Itachi.

*Kakashi and Sakura*

"I wonder where Naruto is," Kakashi said to Sakura. They were walking toward Ichiraku Ramen Shop. The mid-afternoon sun gleamed upon them.

"Oh, Kakashi-sensei, I have no clue," Sakura replied with exasperation, "Do you think he'll come?"

"He follows the scent of ramen. We just need a big enough tub to lure him in."

As Sakura and Kakashi walked into Ichiraku, they smelled the delicious stench of ramen. Sakura sat down at a table, and Kakashi made his way toward the front desk.

"Do you sell ramen hear?" Kakashi asked.

"Um… maybe. Let me check for you," responded the shopkeeper Teuchi.

He came back a few minutes later and said, "Yes! We do. Would you like some?"

"Please. I want one metric ton."

"Are you trying to drown someone?"

"No, we're trying to lure someone in. Can you add two bowls of ramen to that metric ton?"

"Yes sir, I can. Who are you trying to lure, may I ask?"

"Naruto."

"Oh yeah. He was here yesterday. I remember. He came in. Then one of his friends came in, too. I guess the wanted to play 'Ride in the Sack' or something because his friend shoved him in a giant burlap bag."

"What did his friend look like?" Kakashi asked.

"Well, he was tall. Taller than most kids these days. He had black hair, weird eye-makeup, and yellow eyes."

-End-

*N/A*

Many thanks to Rii and TwewyReaperGirl!


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Probably

_I do not own Wan Wan-O, Spam, Naruto, Oingo Boingo, or anything else. Oh dear Lord, if I did…_

Naruto gasped… He needed ramen. Ramen was required. Ramen was necessary. It was necessarily necessary. He moaned. He groaned. He whined. He had been just sitting by this stupid tree for hours. And yes, the tree possessed a low Intelligence Quotient. Naruto started sobbing and shrieking, "Raaaaaamen!" And then "RAAAAAMEN!" He shouted ramen at the sun. He cursed it with ramen.

He formed a Rasenplate and gazed at it drearily. He mused at its magnificent prop'ties. Naruto did all this while moaning ramen.

All of a sudden, he heard somebody utter the word, "Ramen?"

Naruto turned around. It was his old friend Sasuke with three other weirdoes of whom he had no knowledge. One of them looked like Fishy. He would call that one sub-Fishy. Sub-Fishy was attractive. There was also a scary-$$ man with weird hair and a man who was walking around with nothing other than lacy, Summer-Blossom ladies' panties on his body, other than his slashed Leaf headband. Attractive.

"Uuuuke!" Naruto shrieked like a fangirl. Like a fangirl.

Sasuke appeared mortified. To add injury to insult, Naruto jumped into Sasuke's arms, so Sasuke was now holding him bridal style and began twirling his hair and licking his face with his dry tongue. Sasuke remembered Naruto not weighing 93 pounds. Oh well. It didn't matter now.

"Uke?" repeated Itachi.

"No," said Sasuke.

"Aw."

Naruto waved and wiggled his legs about, rejoicing to be held in the arms of his old friend. It was a very, very fancy feeling. "I feel—I feel like I just picked up my best friend Rhiannon from the airport."

"Eh…" said Sasuke.

"What?" said Suigetsu and Jugo together.

Itachi said, "I did that last week." This statement earned him stairs from the rest of the group. And yes, stairs. Not "stares," stairs.

"Rhiannon is fancy," said Naruto.

"And sexy," said Itachi.

"Who's Rhiannon?" asked Suigetsu.

"Your mom."

"I have no idea."

"Idk."

"My girlfriend." Itachi said that. Nobody knew whether or not he was kidding, or who this "Rhiannon" even was... They would probably never find out.

"Oh. Okay."

"So, what are you guys even doin' here, out all up in the middle of the woods and whatnot?" asked Naruto.

"Heading to the Tenchi Bridge to give some guy a horse…" Sasuke got a devious idea. "Say, are you any good at cosplaying?"

*Woods: Deidara and Sasori*

"A pony?" asked Sasori.

"Hai," replied his blonde-haired, ambiguously-gendered friend.

"He wants a pony?"

"Si."

"Why would he want one of those? They're gross, stinky, sticky, and—"

"Not puppets?"

Sasori grunted yes.

"But anyway, I have no idea. He's a collector, I guess. Or something like that."

"Harrumph."

"Okay."

Sasori started muttering the lyrics to _Wan-Wan-O! _Deidara started doing the dance.

*Tobi and "Hidan"*

Tobi did karate chops over the edge of the Tenchi Bridge. He was awaiting the arrival of his many ponys. "Ponys, ponys, ponys," chimed Tobi.

"Raruff, raruff, raruff," barked Hidan.

"What would you like to has for din-din today, Hindin?" asked Tobi.

"…"

"Okay. Wowza, you ist quiet lately Hindin." Tobi grabbed his burlap sack he had acquired from a scary man with a snaky tongue. He grabbed "Hidan" by its scruff and shoved it in the bag. It struggled a great deal before giving up the fight. Tobi tied the sack and threw it over the rail of the bridge. He then jumped in himself, screeching on the way down, "Gotza sweem nao, Hindin, 'relse we nose can do it tewday cause our tumms will beez awl full!"

"Hidan" was not having fun.

When they surfaced, Tobi shook out his hair and let "Hidan" out of the sack. "Hidan" was in a lot of pain. Almost drowning hurt very much. He whined and whined, but his cries of pain went unnoticed to the lollipop man unwrapping their dinner. "Saso-tan ate all of snacks for Tobi, so we going to has to deal wish this." Tobi produced a number of delicacies from his bag, fresh and delicious. "It really is too bad, Hindin, that we have to eat this cwap. Disappointing, huh? Sasori bought some weally good stuff, no wonder he eated it all."

"Hidan" weezed with his mouth particles. He started munching on one of the most delicious, cooked-to-perfection steaks he'd ever had. It was medium-rare, just how he liked it. It was like Tobi had his own personal chef in his little fancy Oingo Boingo tote bag. He likes little girls.

Tobi slurped some tasty To-Go Ichiraku ramen from behind his mask. "Hidan" had the best meal of his life, and Tobi whined about scallops. "Hidan" wanted to stay with this lollipop forever, if only for food. It was a good reason. Come on, wouldn't _you_ do the same thing? He disliked the man for other reasons, many other reasons, but he could get around them. For the food, ya know? It would work well in the long-run.

When Tobi was finished, he teleported his rubbish to another dimension, "The Tobiverse" which is similar to the "VinDieselshpere." He collapsed to the ground and rolled over and over. He was at the same time rubbing his tummy shouting, "TUMMY! TUMMEH! TUMY! TUMTUMZOO!" He threw canned Spam at "Hidan" and put the unconscious him in the sack. "Omaera!" he screamed demandingly, dragging the sack to their home under the bridge. Everybody should be here in a few days.

*Deidara and Sasori*

"We should steal that dude's horse," said Sasori, seeing a bandit riding a horse, unaware of the missing nins' presence.

"But we need a pony, Saso-tan, not a horse," said Deidara.

"Think he'll notice?"

"I hate to say it, but he might."

"Really?"

"Probably."

-End Chappie 7-

A/N

Sorry for not updating in so long. Hope you didn't think I ditched you there. ;) Sorry if this chapter sucked, I'm very busy. I'll try and make the next one better. Thank you for the reviews: miscellaneousSam, H1d4n, and deeb0123456789 for the reviews. If I missed anyone's review, tell me in another review, and I'll gladly state your name and a full apology note in the next chappie. XD Thanks everyone who has read, those who've been with us from the beginning and new readers alike. Should I bring Karin back? (Asked of everyone, but H1d4n in particular, you probably enjoying bashing it as much as I do.)


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